I feel like im losing everything.

All my strings are turning into frayed ends.
We dont talk……we dont hang out….im losing my grip.
Your losing your motive for caring.
Its my fault…..its my doing for you slipping away. All ive done is push you away.
All ive done is give you away.
Why am i so dumb?
If i dont want to lose you then why am i pushing you away?
Why cant i keep my grip…im losing it….and you all at the same time.
I think its time to hit the bottle.
Get fucked.
And get my ass into hero mode and save this shamble of a life.

Just feelig like shit.
So why not let tumblr have it.
.
Its just so much horse shit. All i wanted was to have a good time and i couldnt even do that cause my depressive thoughts were eating away at me.
They are just so downing and i cant help bt feel like shit.
I tried to fake my way through the night….i couldnt do it though. I almost ended up crying infront of people. It just hurt so bad.
Not knowing if what i thought might of happend, or might not of happened.
In the end im just a sad sack who cant hide it any more.
Im done.
All i want to do is cry and cry and cry.
I wish these thoughts werent in my head.
Itd be fine if i was good enough. But i cant even think i am. For my thoughts tell me no.
.
All i want is my peace of mind back. That is all.

Why cant you just stay away from things i like?
All i want are a few things i can go to and now you loom over one of the one thing that makes me smile…..you knew what you were doing the first time….so why not keep it to just once….to just once of stealing my smiles?
I just wanted to cry and cry when you uttered those words today. I didnt though, for theres no sense letting others know im weak. No sense in letting them know how my thoughts work.
…….
All i wanted was my smile back. Not the fake one i put on to let people in on. i want the one you stole. Take all the other things, i dont really care!
Just dont mess with the smile that means the most.
Just let it go……please let it go if i mean anything to you…